Running your own business sounds like a great idea. Be your own boss, do things your way, make a lot of money, enjoy more time freedom.
More often than not, however, starting, building, and running a successful business requires long hours, high stress levels, and the ability to overcome adversity through sheer force of will.
It’s during those times that it is critical that you understand exactly WHY, on a deeply personal level, being a business owner is so important to you.
Without being able to reach deep into your gut to pull up the intestinal fortitude to power through, over, or around an obstacle, you won’t last long enough to get your business to the point where it will be able to deliver on your dreams of financial security and time freedom.
In this interview, business coach, Marine, and triathlete Reggie Jackson explains the power of WHY and how to find it in yourself.
More information: reggie@totalbrilliancecoaching.com
https://www.totalbrilliancecoaching.com/
What follows is a computerized transcription of our conversation. Please excuse any typos!
Coach Reggie Jackson 00:00
What’s the one thing that you can’t stop thinking about? The first thing you when you wake up the last thing when you go to sleep? The thing that you’ve dreamed about birthing, what is that burning desire in your gut?
Frank Felker 00:36
My guest today is Mr. Reginald Jackson, a life coach based in Woodbridge, Virginia. Coach Reggie, welcome to the program.
Coach Reggie Jackson 00:52
Good morning. Thank you,
Frank Felker 00:54
Regular listeners to the show know that I talk a lot about what I call The M Cube, the Six Sides of Business Success that every professional must recognize and master in their pursuit of their own entrepreneurial dream. And the first and most important of those six M’s is M1: Mission. Why have you chosen to start and run a business rather than pursue a more traditional career path?
I mean, let’s face it, you’re taking on a lot of risk, you’re probably taking on a lot of ridicule from friends and family who say, oh, you’re crazy, you can never do it. You’re sacrificing time away from your family and from hobbies and other pursuits that you could be going after there’s a lot of changes in your life that are going on when you make that big decision to start your own business.
And I believe that if you’re not clear about the reasons why you’re doing it, you could find yourself in trouble before you know it. So let’s start with that. Coach Reggie, why is why so important? How is it that can that being clear on just this one thing can be so critical to our success as small business owners? Well,
Coach Reggie Jackson 02:03
That is a great question. And I chuckle anytime, you know, people ask me a great question. And I often wonder, should I say that’s a great question, but it actually is. Because you mentioned clarity, and and that that’s, that’s the ultimate driver. That’s the key. Imagine, you want to go on vacation? Where are you going to go? You know, we’re not talking about the logistics, we’re not talking about making reservations. We’re talking about the destination? Yes, of course, you know, you want to relax or have a good time or unplug? Oftentimes, you know, I’ll take a mini vacation as a writing retreat. But you have to know where it is you want to go?
Frank Felker 02:46
And for me also, it’s where I’m going with this. But also what how do I see this serving me. And I know that might sound a little selfish when I really jam that word me in there. But after all, I’m the one who’s going to have to answer the bell every morning, I’m the one who’s going to have to put in those 16 to 18 hour days when they’re required. I’m the one who’s going to have to talk to my vendors when for whatever reason, I’m not able to pay them on time. So I’m the person who’s sort of at the point of the spear. And I feel as though it’s really critical for me to understand why I’ve put myself there. And let me give you a couple examples of what I mean of reasons why somebody might have done that. They might have done it. I actually have surveyed people about reasons why they started their business. And some of the answers that come back is I wanted to prove myself to someone like a previous employer, their father, their spouse themselves, they wanted to prove they could do something. Now the thing is, they’re looking to make an extraordinary level of income. Some people have a big idea that they are wanting to go out and prove to the world that it is correct, and that they can make it work. A lot of people don’t like being under the thumb of a boss, if you will, they don’t like you know, answering to the man. So there’s a wide variety of reasons and many of which, on a personal level for an individual business owner, I may not even realize exists. So whatever that reason is, what is it that about being clear on why I’m doing something? Where’s the power in that?
Coach Reggie Jackson 04:24
Well, if you’re talking about a business owner, in my mind, and one of the things that I talk to my clients about is from a clarity perspective, what’s the one thing that you can’t stop thinking about? The first thing you when you wake up the last thing when you go to sleep, the thing that you’ve dreamed about birthing, what is that burning desire in your gut? And what would you do for free? That’s all when when you when you approach it from that perspective, nothing else really matters. You know, as an example, had, you know, I spent a lot of my adult life in the Marine Corps, and I met with one of my Marines, and he was thinking about going into business for himself in real estate, and I said, Well, why do you want to do that? He said, Well, because it’s a great way to make money. I said, Okay, yeah, but But what would you do with the money. And there was a conversation that took several minutes. But what we were able to drill down to was, he was looking for a way of life that would provide for his wife, the ability for her to choose her own path and career, a great source of income for him. So his children could go to the best schools, they’d be able to take vacation. So it so for him, it actually wasn’t real estate, that wasn’t the vehicle, right? It was the desire that he had to create a life for his family, that will put them in a certain position. So I said, so. So if you could do that, and it wasn’t real estate, would it really make a difference? And he sat there for Moses? Actually, no, it wouldn’t. And said, Okay, if real estate is a vehicle, that’s great. But if you’re super clear on why you’re doing this in the first place, that’s, that’s the driver. That’s why you wake up every day, it could be it could be anything. But because you want to make sure that your family is provided the way of life that you and your wife see, as as your vision. That’s the thing.
Frank Felker 06:35
I love that. That’s a great example. And that’s exactly the kind of thing I was driving at. It wasn’t real estate that he was passionate about it was providing for his family. And the word you used was vehicle that real estate was the vehicle he was choosing, or thought he would choose to get to that destination. And that’s exactly the type of thing that I’m driving in. Well, I think another great example of why and is personal to you, if I may, you and I have had a couple of chances to talk about your business and about business in general, in the work that you do. You seem very clear on your why, what exactly is your why, and how does it fuel what you do?
Coach Reggie Jackson 07:17
Sure, I believe. And since you’re asking me, I have to tell you what I believe I believe that every person on this planet is here for a reason. I believe every person on this planet has a unique gift. And in some cases, gifts multiple more than one. And when you are able to give to the world, that gift or those gifts, that is the ultimate reason for your existence, in my opinion. For me, the thing that resonates more than anything else is for others to see the light come on for them to realize, they really do have the power, the ability and the capability of accomplishing anything they set their mind to. We have a lot of people in our life that tell us how we ought to do it the way we ought to do it, why we shouldn’t do it. If we had done it differently, you name it. And over time, we actually fall prey to the wishes, whims and suggestions of others, which is completely dis empowering. So the whole reason that I was drawn to coaching, which actually was born out of leading and actually serving the Marines that I was responsible for, when I saw that they had every opportunity available made to them to do whatever it was with their career or in their life that they really felt passionate about. They became a completely different person. It happens with my clients. It even happens with family members. You know, I have two children, they’re both adults, you know, you know, my son. So so the why for me is to afford others the opportunity to connect with the thing or things within them that causes their inner brilliance to show to the rest of the world.
Frank Felker 09:38
And that’s exactly the reason why I wanted to have you here on Radio Free Enterprise today is because of that being your focus and that’s what I understood it to be that and this comes obviously directly with their why connecting with who they are, what their special gift or gifts are and how to draw that out of them and I really appreciate you taking the time to work with us today, I have a question for you within the Marines that you were leading, just as any other group of human beings, what that why is was unique to each individual. So it sounds like as a leader, let’s say, as a manager of a business by extension, that that’s a little bit more of a challenge. I can’t just, you know, spread jelly across all pieces of bread, and everybody’s going to be happy with the taste, I have to actually dig down a little bit and learn what drives each individual person, well, might you say to a manager who would say, Hey, I don’t got time for that. They should be happy they got a job get in here and work? I don’t need to find out. I don’t want to know about what’s going on under the surface? Why should a manager care?
Coach Reggie Jackson 10:45
The question that I would have for them is, why wouldn’t you care? Now, that may seem a little challenging, but the reality is, if your idea is that people or if your position is that people should just be happy because they have a job? Do you even know why they’re working in the first place? What is it that causes them to show up? I found as a leader, the more I knew about the people that I worked with, the better I understood them. And the better I understood them, the easier it was for me to inspire them. And and I treat inspiration and motivation, completely different. So inspiration, in my mind, is what takes place within you. And I can’t, I can’t spark that. Right. I can motivate you, to a certain extent, but it’s like water, it will eventually evaporate. But if I’m able to inspire you, then I connect with what is within you. That is a constant Ember, that every time we eat or get together, or you have a thought, or you reflect on a conversation, or if I’m fortunate enough to be able to connect with you in such a way that you then are able to whenever you’re ready to ignite that Ember, for that inspiration, then you’ll go on to do great things, wherever it is, wherever you are.
Frank Felker 12:28
Oh, that’s just wonderful. I love that distinction that you made between motivation and inspiration. I also like the analogy of water evaporating, a guy that I know refers to the effect that perhaps a motivational speaker has on someone as ether that wears off, you know, over the next 12 to 24 hours and the attendee at that seminar at the motivational seminar wakes up the next morning goes, “what was that guy talking about?”
Coach Reggie Jackson 12:55
Right? Anytime, anytime someone asks me to speak to their group. The first question I ask is, what do you want them to walk away with? You’re having me come to speak to your group for a reason. What is that? So if they’re not clear on, you know, oh, I want you to talk about so and so okay. Why? Because once I leave, you’re still with them. So, so what can I leave with them? that then becomes, you know, the tools, the tips, the whatever, the inspiration for them to do something different? Because that’s why you have me there. It can’t be to just check a box. So let’s talk about that first. And what it typically what I find is, most people aren’t prepared to answer that question.
Frank Felker 13:51
No, no, they’re not. That question. Why is it you know, and it’s funny because of the that’s what a little kid will say, why, why, why. But then also, I believe you and I have talked about the six levels of why or something like that, that as you continue to ask that question, you finally get down to the real essence of what’s driving somebody’s behavior.
Coach Reggie Jackson 14:15
Exactly.
Frank Felker 14:16
Now, if you would speak a little bit more about how you came into this line of work it clearly clear to me at least, you know, this is your sparking ember, your y is to help others get in touch with theirs. But how did what was your aha moment? Tell us a little bit more about your background in the in the Marines and elsewhere, and whether it was all at once or little by little how it became clear to you that this is what your mission in life was?
Coach Reggie Jackson 14:45
Sure. It did become clear over time. And to be perfectly honest, it very well may have been clear, much earlier, but my willingness to it Except it took a bit longer to come about. But the short answer is I had attended a continuing education class in leadership, and the instructor was talking to someone over break. And he had mentioned this coach training program. I typically don’t over, you know, I don’t use drop on other people’s conversations. But there were a few things that he said, that really sparked my attention. So I asked him more about it. He invited me to this coach training program. He was actually a mentor coach for the program. And it was, you know, free of charge, it was something that I could go to, as an observer, just to check it out. That was four years ago, I still have the notes that I took from that session, which is how impactful it was. But just the whole coaching process was something that I had done throughout most of my career in the Marine Corps, but I didn’t realize that’s what I was doing. You know, I’ve always had people and I remember, as far back as, as high school, you know, I feel like I can tell you anything, it’s so easy to talk to you, I feel like I’ve known you all my life. You know that one conversation, we had made such a difference. And it was just me being me. And then when I actually went through this coach training program, and began to be introduced to coaching methodologies. And actually, right now, I’m pursuing my PhD in industrial and organizational psychology, focusing on leadership development and coaching for that very reason, because of the passion I have. For the thing that I do. I wanted to be a life student of it, to understand it better, so that I could be better equipped to work with people who are searching for that why or, or who have a business that’s, it’s struggling, or they have a business that’s going well, and they’re ready to take it to the next level. So, you know, one of my mentors, a family member, and also a Marine, one of the first Marines I ever met was my, you know, my mother’s brother. And he said, You’re never too old to learn, and you should always be learning something. So I could pick up the phone right now and call him and he’s probably enrolled in some class at a community college, to learn something. So education, and always being willing to learn and being willing to open I mean, being open to new things, is what is what allows you to grow because when you open yourself up to accept more, as you learn more, you then become more.
Frank Felker 18:05
I think that’s a really important verb opening, opening oneself, opening your mind opening your heart, and, and being available to whatever that new information, new idea new feeling, new direction might be. And so many of us are not open, but it’s of our own doing, we closed our mind, we close our heart, and we prevent ourselves from moving forward. And we prevent ourselves from listening to that still small voice that might be telling us Hey, pal, this isn’t for you, you need to look over this way instead. And that’s one of the things so I wanted to at least right into my next question, which is, what are the words you obviously as you say, you have a natural affinity for this, you’re now learning more get formal training and so forth? What are the words that you hear someone speaking, that are like a trigger a red light that tells you Oh, this person is out of alignment with their own why I could help them. They’re not clear on their Why? What are the words we might hear ourselves saying, or we might hear a loved one or co workers say that would trigger that in our perception?
Coach Reggie Jackson 19:11
another great question. So so because I love language, and the words that we use, communicate, thoughts, feelings, and expressions, oftentimes that we’re not even aware of. So when I hear people use words like hope, might probably those are the those are the squishy words that really don’t speak to any type of declaration. I hope things go all right. I’ll probably give you a call at such and such a time. We’ll give this a try and see how it works. So any type of language that’s non committal, because if you’re not declaring what it is you are doing or what you will do, or what you are Doing, then subconsciously gives you a backdoor. If it doesn’t work, hey, you know, I said I’d try or, you know, I might see to me. And this is one of the things that I stress to my clients and just people that I talk to in general. Anytime you’re not willing to commit, there’s a reason why. Right? Going back to the why, and if you never investigate why you are so hesitant to commit. That is one of the primary reasons why people don’t move forward. That’s why they don’t accomplish the things they want to do. That’s why they wind up in that, that grind that rut. I’ll give you a prime example. If you say, I hope it works out. What does that really mean? For most people, I hope it works out. They have completely removed themselves from having any influence on the outcome. Think about that.
Frank Felker 21:14
Hmm, I hope it works out means it’s all in the hands of fate, not me or, or anything I can control.
Coach Reggie Jackson 21:20
Right? Right. Now, that takes us to another topic that dovetails into this. There are things within your control. And there are things that are out of your control for the things that truly are out of your control the weather, we have no control over the weather, however, we do have full control over how we approach our position in life as it relates to the weather. We can’t stop it from raining, we can’t stop the wind blowing, you know, we can’t keep it from snowing. But we can certainly take full responsibility and can be completely empowered as to how we show up how we approach life. Not in spite of the weather, but because of the weather. So if it’s raining outside, and you need to go someplace outside, it sounds like common sense. But you would dress yourself appropriately. Perhaps
Frank Felker 22:20
take responsibility for taking an umbrella.
Coach Reggie Jackson 22:23
Exactly. But you know or raincoat or whatever. Or maybe you don’t even care that it’s raining, right. But the whole point of matter is, you know, take something that’s even less controlled like a sport, right? So so you want to make sure that at least your bodies and shape. If there’s any equipment that you need to protect your body, right, like kids are playing soccer. So they were a shin guards are playing football, you’re wearing a helmet, your pads, things of that nature, you are preparing yourself, for the things that could occur. And when they do occur, you just take full responsibility for how you have made yourself an active participant.
Frank Felker 23:08
That’s great. I really like that what you’ve said there about taking responsibility. You know, something that’s occurring, like snowfall may not be your fault, but it’s your responsibility to deal with it in whatever way you choose. And, and part of what dovetails into that is that our state of mind is really the number one thing which is within our control, irrespective of what external circumstance may come our way.
Coach Reggie Jackson 23:32
Exactly. My favorite quote is by Henry Ford, he said, whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right. I love that too.
Frank Felker 23:41
Let’s give me an example. If you can, and it please, you know, just you can just turn this and make a creature out of whole cloth. Or you can refer to a specific person you’ve actually worked with, but can you give us an example of somebody who was struggling with connecting with their why and how you dug down, you did earlier dug down with somebody to help get them in touch with what their y was, and then what the outcome was for them as a result of getting clarity on that point.
24:12
Sure.
Coach Reggie Jackson 24:14
This is a client that was a business owner. And it was going well, but he wasn’t really quite sure if he wanted to, to continue with it, sell it off, shut it down, what have you. And it actually took a while for him to really understand what his thoughts and feelings were about his business. And the thing that he struggled with the most was he really was he was no longer happy with the business yet, if he shut it down or sold it. Then to him that meant failure. So he approached this he approached this business from, you know, the, the mindset of struggle and, and not necessarily dread but it wasn’t something that he really felt good about anymore. And he wasn’t sure if he should sell it off and actually go back to the corporate sector or not. So he was pretty much torn. So through a series of conversations reflection and some occasional homework, he came to the conclusion that the business had run its course, the thing he wanted to accomplish, he had accomplished, there were other challenges that he wanted to pursue. So he decided to sell off his business and, and go back in the corporate space. And, and feel good about it.
Frank Felker 25:59
That’s awesome. I can’t tell you how many business owners I’ve met, who are in a very similar state emotionally, there’s a lifecycle to every business. And in the maturity stage. You know, for many people, the business is kind of on autopilot, they’re not challenged anymore. As this person came to the mission of what they’d set out to accomplish, they already did, but they didn’t realize that. And, and, and there’s nothing wrong with going and getting a job, you know, that steady paycheck has a lot to say for itself. Especially after you sell a business, and you might have a couple of shekels in the bank as well. So what was his state of mind after he came to those realizations and and engaged in those behaviors?
Coach Reggie Jackson 26:43
He, he was much lighter. emotionally, psychologically, he even had a different gait, right? Like, the way he walked through life was better. Because, you know, from a coaching perspective, some of my clients, especially those who are geographically, I’ll say, displaced. If, if we’re not in the same space, you know, we can certainly use whatever technology is available. I have other clients that I meet face to face, and this happened to be a face-to-face client. So I would, you know, I would greet him as he walked in. And once he, you know, finally made that decision. And then there was the interview process. And, you know, it’s been, you know, a decade or more since I had an interview, I don’t even know if I, you know, he went through all of those things, which of course, is the non-committal conversation. But after he finally made that decision, went on some interviews and, you know, realize that, yeah, this really is the thing that I want to do, because it does challenge me in ways that my business, you know, no longer satisfies, you know, he was a completely different person.
Frank Felker 28:05
I’m happier.
Coach Reggie Jackson 28:07
Absolutely.
Frank Felker 28:09
This brings me to my next question. You know, we were in one state of mind, let’s say, we’ll use this person as an example. When we’re at our business, we’re running our business, we’re unhappy, but we’re not desperately unhappy, we’re not unhappy enough to, you know, make that change, or even do the hard homework and thinking of what we need to do. On the other side, he’s back in corporate world, he’s got a jump in his step. He’s happy. He’s released himself for the bonds and the responsibilities of his business, he’s getting a steady paycheck as a few shekels in the bank. But between those two states of mind, is the transitionary period. And that is a hard place to be, as I once heard it expressed, you got to go through the red hot to get back to the cool blue. And many of us will we fear that transition and transition more than we fear, whatever is on the other side of it. And so, when we are feeling upset, and we do know something’s not right, what are some tools we can use to have those hard conversations with ourselves? How can we allow ourselves to face the facts that that not only are we unhappy, but we actually are responsible for our own happiness? We need to face the transition, we need to face what the new circumstance is going to be? How can we help ourselves if we don’t have access to somebody like yourself?
Coach Reggie Jackson 29:35
So the first thing that the first thing that comes to mind for me is one simple word. And that’s context. So our context and everyone has one it’s not good. It’s not bad. It just is. Your context is the lens through which you see the world. Right. Some people call it mindset. Some people call it perspective. So your context Next, hopefully, is something that’s fluid and pliable. Meaning you can choose to see things differently so that you continue to grow and stay in that state of openness. When your context becomes rigid and fixed, that’s when things become hard. That’s when things are difficult. That’s when you’re not ready. Right? Again, those not that non-committal conversation. So the thing that I really, really stress is, what is your context? Right? And you talked about binary, you know, much earlier in the conversation. So, either you see things as possible, or you see things as not, or impossible, or something other than possible. So what if it were possible? What would be available to you? What things could you accomplish, that immediately begins a conversation of what I call possibility, where you really start to think about the things that could happen, as opposed to the things that won’t happen or can’t happen, or probably won’t happen? So, so some of the things that come to mind, for me, where context is concerned, is how are you looking at it now? And does that serve you? And if you could look at it differently, what way would that be? And then when you discover another way to look at it, how does that turn out?
Frank Felker 31:41
That’s great, that’s great. And, and it all though, still comes from within us, we have to make that decision, to look at things a different way, and so forth. And, you know, you just can’t, you can’t get blood out of a stone, if somebody is unwilling to change their context, I don’t think you’re going to be able to beat that perspective into them. Although we often feel like we’d like to,
Coach Reggie Jackson 32:02
well, and you know, that’s one of the powers of coaching is, you know, I always want to draw the distinctions between different professional, different professions that people may sometimes mix or, or confuse with coaching. So coaching is not fixing, because from a coaching perspective, there’s nothing broken. So you have consulting, therapy, and coaching. With consulting, you’re the subject matter expert, you come in, you make an assessment, you give a plan, you may execute it yourself, you could have someone you know, that’s, that’s a flooring expert, right? So, so they are a consultant, they’re going to tell you the different types of materials there are, you know, how it can best fit your use, so on and so forth. That’s not coaching. You may have, you know, a therapist, psychiatrist, someone who is a subject matter expert in different types of behavior, where there may be some trauma or something that needs to be addressed, right. So maybe something psychologically, emotionally, is broken. So they’re the subject matter expert, that’s going to help you
33:17
resolve
Coach Reggie Jackson 33:20
any of those issues that that could be holding you back. Whereas coaching is completely in the future. Coaching is completely voluntary. If if you’re not if you’re not hungry, and I keep shoving food in your face, you’re eventually going to get pretty upset with me or walk away or something. But if you are hungry, and you’re not quite sure what it is you want to eat. But you do know you need to satisfy that hunger, then greenlight that lets you know, that you could possibly be open to coaching. Well, plus, plus the coach is not the subject matter expert. You are because nobody knows you better than you. Now, there are some coaches who provide, you know, a consulting type of service in certain situations. And if I have a client that asks that of me, I make sure they understand when my coaching hat is on, and when my coaching hat is off, because I’m not going to sit around and just tell you what to do. Because then guess what? That takes away all of the responsibility that takes you off the hook. When it’s an idea you come up with or if it’s something that you decide to execute, guess what, you take ownership of it, it becomes empowering to you. it ignites the passion. And then that’s what drives you to move forward to the next thing.
Frank Felker 34:56
I can’t believe we’ve actually run through the time. We have a lot of time talk today. There’s so many more questions I’d like to ask and get your wisdom and insight on. But before we go, if somebody listening has resonated with what you’ve had to say or would like to reach out to you and learn more about how they might be able to work with you, what’s the best way for them to connect with you?
Coach Reggie Jackson 35:20
The best way for someone to connect with me would be to email me at Reggie at j s coaching. dotnet. So that’s my first name REGG ie at j. s coaching dotnet. Well, Coach
Frank Felker 35:37
Reggie Jackson, thank you so much for joining us today.
Coach Reggie Jackson 35:39
Thank you for having me.
Frank Felker 35:41
Thanks again to coach Reggie. And thank you for listening.
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